Yep, I get all introspective at various times of the year and never more so when I get to see things like the trailer for the Project Bellydance. Darn! Could I have been a contender?? Was I ever good enough to do something like this?? nope! not in the way you have to be good to do this . . . I am just not much of a competitor.
After nearly 30 years (30??? wowowow), I feel like I have descended to half-assed mediocrity because of my real-life job. I gave (and still give) everything to that job because I needed money to exist. But at the very time that i need stress relief I can't muster my butt up for practice as much as I should.
I started dancing in my 30's . . . oops, those numbers don't add up too well as I have not yet crossed over to the big 60 (2011 is my significant year). And I was already well on my way to a computer career so dance was just a "hobby" that I did for exercise, etc. But it became an obsession that pushed me to practice and take classes all the time then finally to perform. I've done hundreds of workshops over the years and I have travelled around the country and world to take classes. The one thing I never did was to perform in restaurants and do other gigs although I have done some teaching (but not recently RE: that job of lots of overtime).
There is still a spark there but I feel like I have let myself down. Someone I know was trying to "coach" me to do what I should do to get back into teaching dance . . . I loved it when I did it before and I have always found teaching/helping others to be rewarding . . . but I live in a market saturated by "teachers' and I wonder if I have anything unique enough to give to anyone.
Oh, well, not sure I am a contender . . . but something keeps "buzzing" around telling me "you aren't dead yet, so get off your duff!" Wish retirement was closer than 6+ years away . . . :) . . .
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